Random Rambling II

Bro: Dude.. wake up.. wake up dude...

Me: Whats wrong dude...wake me up  when Ayodhya verdict overs

Bro: forget Ayodhya verdict dude... there are so many issues kicking so much ass here... u need to wake up right now dude... i have got very serious message to share...

Me: Holy crap?? tell me in fast forward mode..

Bro: while u were in deep sleep, all-Indians from all over world cried “Curruption of Kalmadi” in a voice that would drown out a thousand Himesh Resmia's. Everyone was violently outraged, protests overheated on Kalmadi's facebook wall n the dust settled on PM's linkedin profile.

Me: dude dude... wait a minute.. this case has been discussed already...I was about to kick kalmadi’s ass.. but i heard his ass started shitting money these days. So i postponed the plan.

Bro: C’mon dude.. did you check the news, CWG games screwed up completely, the athletics venue ran out of time, football venue did not achieve its goals and archery venue did not meet the target.

Me: dont worry dude... we have alternate venues... football will b shifted to Ayodhya and shooting to Jama Masjid. By the way what the hell media doing?

Bro: dude.. have u seen peepli live?? Aamir khan being a tough competitor for us.. he presented media  in a ultimate sarcastic and more idiotic ways than us.

Me: Poor kid..leave him for the moment...you know dude, lot of violence is unjustifiable even in filmy life.  He's got emotional problems with Sharukh and ChUlbuLL Pandey man...  

Me: You suggest him  to try and use sarcasm on daily soaps and reality shows also. Lots of fun there.

Bro: What the hell man.. I am sure its conspiracy to steal sunshine in my life..total fun robbery is going to happen. After CWG and Ayodhya verdict my life will become boring.. i need something to show my outrage dude...

Me: this outraging is old shit dude...people outrage. people laugh at the outraged.  then people outrage at the people who laugh at the outraged. And then everyone forgets

Me: you dont worry, I guarantee you lot of fun through our spoiled brats... u dont worry about that... move on to an other message..

Bro: One of our crybaby  made a serious claim “Malaria through migrants”

Me: who?? that ponytail kid?? Arindam chaudary ?? is he still busy thinking beyond IIT's IIM's??

Bro: no dude... he is busy thinking beyond UGC. this is by ours truely “Manoos Kid”.

Me: Oh god...I don't even understand half the shit what he talks about.. anyway I dont deal with PMS issues...u just recommend that asshole for Nobel peace prize.

Bro: have u heard latest Commonwealth anthem...

Me: dude dude...Rehman is not in our “to be joked” list.. we cant b critical about him man... our bloody bollyhood doesnt have any superman or spiderman... we have just rehman ..respect him dude ..  by the way, why dont you show ur outrage on rehman malik??

Bro: He has enough issues to deal with... leave him for a moment...u know Pakistan's cricket team screwed up big time.. its such a shame even veena malik trying to take the advantage.

Poor woman...Veena malik...but bro.. she  was far too clever before some plastic surgeon reverse-engineered Rakhi sawant  and that mother fucker spoiled all the fun ending up with Veena malik... This is just a social experiment.. u can ignore it in peace.

Bro: Fuck ur explanation! I don't need your fuckin' explanation, man, I need my fucking action!

Me: Relax bro. Another tin of beer? some chicken kababs , perhaps? One day you will no longer care for Pakistan cricket team. Why not today?

Me:  Apparently something bad has happened somewhere. I'm gonna blame religion and go back to my recreation.

Bro: What do you do for recreation?

Me: ohh, the usual. I drink. I sleep.

Bro: God damn you drunkard.. get out of it for some time.. anyway Ms. Paris Hilton wanted to see you for two hours at half her rate. she has so attracted to your newly bought  juvenile domain name.

Me: That smoke factory?? She uses all banned substances dude. Don't attribute such  polluted souls to me before their PUC check done..Cancel the date. I'll have ample time to talk to her when we meet in hell.

Bro: Dude...Come on, you're being very un-Dude . you better go back to sleep..

You are going to die right now ! Courtesy Insurance firms.

"Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

It was a shrill shriek that would actually put Nirupa Roy in shame. It came from the room G was sleeping. I ran toward the room. And to help you guys imagine it better what i saw there, just click on the following link.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=344366789884

Anyways. So this is what happened.

Me: What in the name of Suresh Kalmadi, happened to you? What were you dreaming about?

G: Dude...

( Still gasping ..)

G: I Need my beer ..right now..

( After two beer cans down)

G: I am going to die.

D: What the fish ???  Why? what happened to you...I told you to drink only when there is no tomorrow...you drink because there is a tomorrow and you have to go to office. What did  the doctor tell you...How many months do you have? 

G: Fucker, not that. In the dream i saw i am going to die. I had a dream in a dream in a dream.

D: So what was 'Incepted' in your dream? 

G: Well, In the innermost dream i had a very young daughter and we were just hanging out in the 'Mela'. She was very chirpy and sweet and what not and suddenly ...Bam !! There is a giant book of John C Hull falls on my head and i am dead. I woke up in the second dream where I see my wife...

D: Hot ?

G: Like Shakeela in her 'Jawani' ! 

Me: Nice !

G: ...Anyway...she is standing behind me shit scared...and i imagined something like this might have happened.

...and Bam!! A giant kingfisher strong can falls on my head and I am dead!


G: And then i wake up to the first dream...I am in office doing the regular old "IF THEN ELSE" and bam


D: What fell now?


G: A stapler.


G: And i shout ...Nahiiiiiiiii..
D: Yea i heard that. 


D: Well, I dont know about the John C Hull and the beer can falling on your head making you dead ...I think Freud will also be confused trying explain the meaning of that, but one thing I know for sure that for your nightmares, the insurance firms are responsible.


D: I mean, yes their intentions were good ..you should have life insurance because your family needs it, not you, but somehow i don't like that they try to show the worst things that can happen to your family if you are dead. First the very thought dying is shit scary and then on top of that making us feel that you haven't saved / done anything worthwhile for your family which will stay after you are worm's food , makes us feel like a loser. 


G: BTW, How much money is good for the family when we are dead? And who defines that 'Good'? 

D: I dont know ...One crore... two?


G: What if you are survived by a hyper-spending, 'need-money-coz-new-louis-vouitton-bag-are-in-the-market' kind of a wife? Or a  'I-need-a-new-car-coz-its-the-second-year-of-the-college' kind of a son?

D: Ten crores?

G: They dont give that kind of insurance ...and even if they did the you have to pay the premium out of your ass!

D: Paying premium out of your ass is never a good idea.

G: Worse, if you are paying premium out of your ass and then you dont die?

D: Nothing can be worse than that.

G: Well, there are worse things than that ...like going for 'Inception' and not able to understand what the fuss was about?

D: Hey...that movie was the greatest movie ever made!...

G: Dude, you read the reviews and blogs and shit like that so that you can talk to your colleagues 'Hey, I understood it ! You didn't. You are lesser mortals' 

( Looking at the ground and softly speaking) 

D: It was a difficult movie.

G: ..Anyways...coming to the point...I was thinking...why do i need a Life insurance ..i am not married yet, My family has their own farms at home...they dont need it. You know what i need.

D: What? 

( G's Phone rings )

G: I know this number ...( Looks at me and says ) i will tell you what i need ...

( He puts the phone on speaker)

G: Yellow ! 

Telemarketer: Is this Mr "Beep" speaking?

G: Yes your holiness..   I am " the beep".how can I help you??,

TM: Hi sir, I am "Beep" speaking from "Beep" insurance company...Our company has launched a new ..

G: holy crap.. death messenger again


TM: look the The Beep..Now, you can either by this plan right away, or you can wait and listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to buy this plan.


G: I choose to die happily.. can I do that?? Listen "Beep" ...do you something called "Insurance against break ups or hangovers?"

TM: ..hehe

G: ..Dont laugh...i really need it ...You know i am serial commiter ..Yea...i fall in love to every other girl who comments on my blog or my Face book status...but the thing is that ..sooner or later she finds out the truth about me...that i drink beer like water, or I take bath on national holidays, or I have only 2 shirts, or I take supplement to increase my body mass..or worse ..I have fallen in love with the girl who commented below her comment...and then she breaks up with me...and i have to go through all the routine ...like drinking too much ...going out of station...renting new clothes to woo the next girl...they all cost me alot of money....so i was thinking if i can get an insurance against that. 

TM:  Are you really serious?

G: "Beep", you called me so many times...did i ever joke with you? No na...BTW how is your bitch?

TM: She is fine sir, gave birth to four odd colored puppies  blue, black, white, sepia.

G: Congratulations ! You own  Asian paints now.

( TM giggles )

TM : khi ..khi ..khi ..( Snort ..snort )...

G: Aww! I love that laughter of yours...

( Takes the phone of the speaker phone .. and walks toward the balcony)

G: So when are we meeting my "Koochie koochie Beepty Beep".....

That G is one charming rascal !